3rd Week: Rediscovering the passion...

A funny thing just happened. Just as I was beginning to lose passion and drive, I came across something which gave me a motivational boost in the right direction. It's Monday night and tomorrow is Doomsday Tuesday so I should really go to bed, but I feel terrible about falling behind on this weekly blog posting business and just as I was getting ready for bed I remembered I had to look for a document on my old hard drive. When I opened it and started to look for the document I needed, I stumbled upon some old files I had created back in sixth form. Such a blast from the past, and actually a really nice one.

The first thing I found was list of things I had written down to do before I was 21 (I turned 21 in February so ran out of time for that one) but the list gave me such a flash back to the old me. The innocent, carefree, optimistic teenage-me that I had completely forgotten about. It cheered me up so much! I had managed to do a few of the things on the list in time, like going to a 'proper rock concert,' backpacking in Europe, and singing solo in front of an audience, but there were a lot of things on there I haven't done yet, like 'having a manicure' with one of my best friends, Helen (still a best friend now!) learning yoga, scuba diving and going paintballing amongst other things. As much as I could be really disappointed in myself for not having managed to do these things (and for forgetting all about this list), I actually feel kind of happy that I haven't done them all, because this has given me a new-found thirst for life - just what you need when you're feeling low! There are so many things I still want to do, and although right now all my time and energy is taken up on studying, after finals, although I might not have a job straight away or know what I want to do with my life, it will be so nice to be able to have the time to discover all the little perks there are to life, all the first experiences I haven't had yet! I feel like writing a new list of 'things to do before I'm 30' - this may have to be the first thing I do after finals, to celebrate the freedom.

The second thing I found was possibly better than the first in terms of helping to cheer me up tonight. It was the personal statement I wrote when I applied to Oxford. In it I explain why I was so keen to study languages. It's exactly what I needed. I needed to remember why I'm here. Why I love my subject. Why I should love every minute of this instead of complaining about it all the time. It's easy to lose perspective when you get stuck in the thick of it, and with a four year course it's only natural that at times your enthusiasm starts to waiver, especially so close to the end, but sometimes you just need a little reminder of why you chose to do what you're doing and of how much you wanted it and how excited you were to do it and, most importantly, how lucky you are to be able to do what you wanted to. That's right. Tomorrow is Doomsday Tuesday, but I'm going to enjoy every minute of it, appreciate all the insight I'm gaining in lectures, savour every correction of every mistake of my translation, and cherish every word of idiomatic french that comes out of my oral tutor's mouth; because it's what I wanted, because, even if it's hard, it's going to push me to be the person I so wanted to be back when I was still at school and because it's my passion. Like I said in my personal statement all those years ago: "Languages run through my blood. They are in my past and my present and I hope they will be in my future."  Well, I guess this the crucial time for me to try to make sure they are. On that note, I'm off to bed to make sure I can truly appreciate tomorrow!