Second week is over and it's been a tough one. It's been a month since I first moved into my house here and since I last saw my family and homesickness showed it's ugly face for the first time half way through this week. It's odd the way it suddenly hits you. One minute you're cycling in the sunshine, thinking about the lecture you have to go to, the translations you have to remember to do, and then suddenly you hear your mum's voice offering you some good advice "you should have worn a coat sara" or "make sure you eat some fruit" (it's actually you're own voice now, but behind it lies the echoes of your mum's voice - there's no disguising it.) Anyway, you're cycling along and suddenly you think of your mum and sister sitting on the sofa at home, and your heart sinks a little bit and you get this feeling deep in the pit of your stomach. At first it's like a warm comforting feeling and you're quite happy to feel it. But, later it comes back, except this time it hits you when you're in a much more stressful situation. Or at least that's what happened to me. Homesickness mixed in with tiredness and a suddenly stressful situation can only lead to one thing: a midweek meltdown.
Everything was going fine and then I went straight from one class to another, sat at the table, took out my paper and booklets, only to realize that everyone around me was looking at an article with notes they had scribbled all over it and they had sheets of paper with notes written all over them. It was that nightmare moment when you suddenly realize there is something you have forgotten to do. The lady taking the class was lovely, as she smiled and asked us all if we were ready do our practice oral tests and give her a presentation summarizing the articles she had given us last week. I literally didn't know what to say. There was no getting out of this situation. I just looked at her blankly and told her I had completely forgotten all about it. I felt terrible. I kept it together though and carried on with the class, trying my best to discuss the articles I hadn't read. Bad time management. Poor forward thinking. Not a good day. At the end of the class, as I got on my bike and cycled to lunch, the image of my mum and sister in the living room chatting away popped back into my head, but this time it didn't have quite the same effect. I wished I could beam myself home (like they do in star trek) and give them both a hug. Luckily, my friends were at college and they were there to cheer me up instead, after I burst into tears telling them what had just happened. (I have a very strong conscience and get upset about stuff like that.) I think maybe that gave me the kick I needed to start taking everything a bit more seriously. But I have been taking things seriously, it's just that the work is so relentless in final year. There are more classes and for every class there is work to prepare. In 2nd week everyone assumes you've settled in the rhythm of things, but actually you're still not quite on it yet.
On top of the fact that I was already feeling pretty inadequate, carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders (both literally and figuratively - I had to take my books, computer and gym stuff to college and back all week) I suddenly became aware that everyone else around me actually already seemed to be on top of it all. In fact, generally speaking, in Oxford everywhere you go, the people you meet are kind of "superpeople." So many of the people I have talked to this week have been so interesting, witty, smart, organised, pretty/handsome, ambitious, and aside from doing their course they're in various different clubs or societies and have hidden talents like, singing, acting, professional cycling, stand-up comedy or they write for the student newspaper. At home, in the small towns, you feel pretty special, pretty on it, pretty proud of yourself. But here, you realise your actually just a mere mortal, a pretty average joe. You might be talented in one specific area, but in a world of multi-talented people that just doesn't quite seem like it's enough. You go to dinner and you chat to someone only to discover that aside from studying an incredibly difficult subject like engineering or some kind of science, they are also fluent in at least 2 languages. Basically, they do what you do, plus more.
At the same time, being surrounded by superhumans has many perks too. If you can swallow your pride and stop comparing yourself to them, crush the green giant in you and just admire them for their talents, then it can actually be a really enjoyable world to live in. In fact, after an extremely tough week, I decided to give myself a break on Saturday evening and I went to see a friend of mine who graduated last year do a stand up act in the Burton Taylor. There's nothing better than laughter to make everything better. Laughter that I mightn't have been exposed to, had I not had the privilege of meeting such a superhuman. After the stand-up, we went to a cute little traditional English pub near our college and went into a back room with a fireplace and a piano and a few third years, one of whom had invited everyone there to play some of her music to us. It was like meditation mixed with socializing. It was like going to an intimate and private gig. It was special. I was lucky enough to be able to enjoy her undiscovered talent. That's the beauty of university. Being exposed to superhumans who are all super in different, and sometimes surprising, ways. Aside from how pleasant it is to witness their superskills, it's also kind of inspiring. Inspirational enough to make me want to work that little bit harder. I'm sure I'll find a secret superskill one day, but for now I better just concentrate on the one I'm going to be examined on in a few months, and instead of comparing myself to all the other superhumans, I should recognise my own superskill and make the most of being inspired by the superhumans around me. I suppose what I'm trying to say is, we are all superhumans, but sometimes we need other superhumans around us to inspire us to embrace our superskills so that we can all become even more super. Now, isn't that super? Let's hope third week turns out to be a bit more super than second week anyway!
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